Everyone has that moment from the time they are born. Their day is written in the book of life. Nothing can change that no matter the circumstances. Some question why. Others are full of resentment and grief.
When is my day? I frequently ask myself that question. There are days the struggles within myself to believe any self worth is even possible.
If I were to say goodbye tonight would you be alright. Would it shed some pain and conflict for you? Would the grief wear off and normal life set in? Would you find yourself happier without my lectures and holding you accountable? Would it be better to not have my nagging voice?
Saying goodbye is difficult but to know you will be in a better place and have a life full of happiness. Moments I would slip into your mind letting you know I am there to watch over you from afar.
That’s how a suicidal mind works. That those they leave behind are in a better place because of their nonexistence. Beaten down and battered mentally exhausted with nothing at all to offer. The world is better because they can now function without the mean and brutal person that one haunted them daily.
They will never be an embarrassment or problem again. They won’t burden your life with needs and wants or discipline. They were never good enough anyway and won’t truly ever succeed or make you happy.
They are at peace knowing they made the world a better place by leaving. The thoughts don’t connect for someone who doesn’t understand the disease and those who try to mearly look at it as a cop out.
To those who do it is felt as sacrifice at making the world a happier place without them. Did you ask me if I was ok? Did you just sit in silence with me knowing my pain? I’m so sorry I came into your life and made it so miserable. I couldn’t make it right.
Maybe i will come back to this world a better person. A kinder more gentle person. Full of love and understanding. Without pain to inflict on the world.
No more emptiness. No more suffering. Most of all you can find your happiness just saying goodbye.