PATH TO NOWHERE…..

Thought I had it all figured out. I had finally found my Prince Charming. He was so sweet, loving, he was an absolute dream come true. We married 3 months later it was the happiest day. I put my house up for sale and somehow start to finish was moved out an a check in my hands in one month to the day. Life was a whirlwind. I soon quit my job so that we could make the final move to His hometown…..

Then the papers came. I was having to go to court yet again to fight for my children. This the move couldn’t happen and I would get to live at my mothers house. After 2 hearings we find out I get to stay until the end of my on an air mattress on my moms dining room floor. I also get to return to court in June.

I’m so sad for the kids being drug through this. Although through it all I have found out the oldest in question really doesn’t care if he goes to to another town. He has told me under several circumstances that it’s just him making new friends and a new school. If I could change it I would.

I’m to the point after 8 months of marriage, court for both of us, 5 typical kids, one atypical child, all the traveling and stress I’m about to loose it completely.

I’m trying so hard not to go to the dark place my mind and soul goes to. I try to remember where I need to be that my kids need me if nothing else. Then I hear my oldest telling me what a piece of shit waste I am and the next one telling me I’m in her way the kids are in her way to stop yelling or don’t be there. My husband telling me I never give him anything never show him my love for him.

I’m not good enough for any one of them. I am fully aware. It’s just what do I do. Walk away and never come back, end it all, or keep going through this endless circle of hell.

Idk how much more not good enoughs I can take mentally. So much for the fairytale.