So we are living through a horrible pandemic that most everyone has never before experienced. Life as we know has came to a complete stop…. Except for me. I’m currently in the hell of nursing school. The couch has been my life or the last 7 months. A trip for me is to go to the bathroom and to the Keurig. Going out is going to one of the other students couch to study. Well… that was before Corona halted that too.

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be. There are people in the house 24/7 for the last 6 weeks. Studying in my terms in the peace and quiet is no more. My husband isn’t adapting well. He hasn’t adapted well to nursing school period! I have my three youngest kids every other week though and NOOOO sports dragging them away! It’s been amazing!

Soooo the husband… He’s a tad… needy. He desires affection and affirmation continuously. With being in an accelerated RN program I don’t have the time or the patience to hold a grown mans hand and tell him it’s all ok all day everyday. I tell him I love him and give him kisses and smile ear to ear and if i stop for more than one hour at a time we are back to I don’t love or care for him and I am not making him a priority. Clearly I did this for OUR future not just mine. This stuff is no joke the anxiety and stress is nearly killing me mentally and physically.

I committed myself to him for the rest of my life. I have made sacrifices like never before and trusted in us to trust in him. He may never see that. There are roughly 10 more months left. If we don’t make it at this point I won’t be shocked.

So much has been lost to COVID19. Time is all we have. Days get lost. Time is irrelevant. Safety and security is no longer a thing. It’s an invisible virus that can kill. There is no age, gender, or socioeconomic status that it won’t effect equally.

My son has lost his freshman baseball season. I may be excited to have him here without the stress of sports but I’m saddened for him to have lost that. I miss being a baseball mom. My kids make so so incredibly proud. Their creativity, compassion, smarts and love is more than I could ever have dreamed of. This pandemic has given time fore them to reset and find their true selves.

My oldest daughter is in college as well. She went online in March also. I was very worried how she would handle it. I knew she would thrive no matter what she’s a heck of a strong chick. I didn’t know how she would feel with the stress of possibly getting Corona…. Yeah she’s rocking it. of course lol.

The other girls are living the dream. The youngest has lots of school work but the challenge and the push is amazing for her. The middle is kind of lost. She has no homework but she is enjoying being able to be here more. Idk she just seems uptight and high strung when she comes from her fathers. She’s definitely not happy with her friends at her school. I wish I could change it for her. It’s crushes my soul that I can’t make it all better. This one she took out of my control and she has to figure it out.

My oldest son…. ohhhhh my oldest son. I have seen him twice in the last month which is glorious because I haven’t seen him like this in a year. He left the state to work but due to housing issues it didn’t workout. I hate it but he was in a bad place and I am proud of him for trying. When he came back is crushed his spirit. I wish I could make it all better with him also. Even if I could he wouldn’t let me. I am still always wrong and the enemy at times. It’s gut wrenching! He’s crazy smart and has a heart of gold I have no doubts he will figure it out he’s just taking the long hard road to get there. Hahaha he always said he would never be me…. Here I am 3rd marriage and working on my second degree at 40! I know a thing or 2 about the long road…

Sighhhhh life is looking up! However, I’m looking up at it from Hell. hahahaha This RN program is no joke at all. THIS my friends is why there aren’t more RNs in this world. Why anyone would want to and willingly put themselves and their family through this has to be a special kind of someone.

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