I scheduled my NCLEX May 3rd. I couldn’t handle the stress and anxiety anymore and pushed the board exam up to last Friday. Was I ready? I felt I was ready any now as I would have been in another week and a half. So I went for it. I knew I was going to have to wait for results for at least 2 days. I walked out knowing I had failed although the test ended in the minimum number of questions. I had a full blown panic attack that evening. The worst I had ever experienced to date.
Saturday I got up took my anxiety medicine. I knew I wouldn’t survive without it. I decided it was time to make amends with my husband and take him out for a date. for the first time in 19 months no school, no studying and no kids for a few hours. We threw some axes and had some drinks. I needed it… we needed it.
I woke up Sunday to find out I could find out the unofficial results. I couldn’t do it. My husband wasn’t waiting but you could see the fear in his eyes. Of course he decided to mess with me but then told me I had passed. I cried. They weren’t tears of joy. They were tears of it’s finally over. No more killing myself studying.
Now…. It’s time to put the pieces back together. My marriage, my kids, my home has taken a huge hit. I have to get in a new routine. A new life. It’s like being readjusted to life after prison I would imagine. You have hardly seen sunlight. So much time is just a whirlwind is now gone.
Now I pick each one up and to make it better. Yes I’m starting right back into school but one maybe 2 small classes at a time. Life is going to change as of today with the official confirmation from the nursing board. It won’t be easy but I’m so excited for the future. I can do this I will do this. I have succeeded and I have overcame. It won’t be easy I have lots to come and the anxiety is still insane but hopefully I will manage to make everything right again.
It all started with today and an amazing collaborative dinner…. Here’s to working on life.