Drinking From the Bottle

It’s been a week… Keeping up with exams, papers, discussions, assignments has felt nearly impossible. Stress exposing like a bomb. No kids home tonight so I bought some wine…. I’m drinking straight from the bottle.

Drinking without class. Drinking to drown everything out. Music up. Dark room. Nothing seems to be hitting the spot. Maybe I will find it in the bottom.

Missing a life, the love, peace from the anxiety. Happy and yet sad. So tonight I sit and drink from the bottle….

Say your sorry….

I’m not the only one who makes mistakes. I am cold but I have feelings. Questioning my integrity…. The smallest things turn into the hugest of craters. I disconnect. Today I don’t have to be the one to say I’m … Continue reading

6 More 6 Weeks…. +3

39 weeks!!!! Less than 10 months left of nursing school! This semester has been rough transitioning to all online lectures and clinical. COVID19 has been no joke in every aspect of human life. My husband and I have done better with communication and adapting to one another’s needs. It’s 2 steps forward a step back at time. I would call that tremendous progress in a relationship!

Stress still overwhelms me most of every day. I don’t expect that to change much for 39 weeks. It’s the nature of the beast. I realize why there’s a nursing shortage and why RNs are in huge demand. People don’t want to kill themselves. Mentally and physically I’m drained.

I could keep up with the laundry and dishes and cook. I could probably squeeze in some cleaning here and there. I’m thankful and blessed that I don’t have to. That was the agreement we made… I kick butt and learn everything I possibly can and he picks up the slack everywhere else. I do manage a little contribution here and there but it’s not much. I look at what I’m doing as a huge deed for the family and there are sacrifices that physically that have to be made.

I have had to learn that there are other ways to fold clothes and that I need to just be happy it was done. I have to realize that although there is a floor that needs swept no one is dying and it won’t hurt for them to stay that way another week or 6. I have had to let go of a lot of control. Not easy for a control freak.

So the kids seem more relaxed and happy with the time off daily. I will have all my kids with me this weekend and an extra. So a prayer may be needed as 7 kids pile in on us.

So 6 more 6 +3 will be here and gone before I know it. This journey has been hell and worth every second so far. I am blessed beyond measure.

COVID BUST….

So we are living through a horrible pandemic that most everyone has never before experienced. Life as we know has came to a complete stop…. Except for me. I’m currently in the hell of nursing school. The couch has been … Continue reading

Nothing Comes Without A Price…

My first term in nursing school is complete. My chance to fulfill my dream of becoming an RN is fast an furious in front of me. However, it doesn’t come without a price. I have sacrificed so many hours of … Continue reading

Broken Strength

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I have finally made it over a huge hurdle. I am finally truly in nursing school!!!! My dream for my children and myself is finally within reach. After overcoming abuse, naysayers, poverty and time constraints the day to prove to … Continue reading

#theydidntcall

The struggle has been real. I miss my kids. 2 headed off to college and 2 are with their father this year through the school year for the first time in 20 years I only have one biological child living … Continue reading

What’s My Purpose?…..

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I have a degree that at this point is basically useless. After 17 years I am unable to obtain a job because I didn’t take one test…. I didn’t have to have any extra schooling or training. Just had to … Continue reading

Reality….   but you can’t be real……

Reality…. but you can’t be real……

I went to the doctor this past week. They of course take you in and do the ever dreaded vitals where you get to see if your still fat and showing how old you are with your crappy high BP. … Continue reading

I SUCK

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So I haven’t written in forever…. Life has been a tornado to say the least! I met a guy (on and online dating app). My last effort at finding someone I can tolerate for even a month. So I had … Continue reading