Another Wish of Death

I stood before a federal court and spoke my daughters words. Multiple times I wanted to break down but I kept myself together to stay strong for her. I knew in that moment I had to be her voice and … Continue reading

I Broke…

It took one t’last thing to tip the scales…. I broke… I took my meds and tried to sleep thru it. Only worked for so long. I had to get out of the house.

I went out to grab a drink. Had 2 then I remember nothing at all. The meds I had taken were out of my system by then. I was so scared the next day.

It can happen to anyone. I got up to run outside for one minute. That’s all it took. It scares me to go out at all at this point.

It was my day to start healing. Time to become who I want to be. God protected me. I owe everything to him. I lost sight of my purpose. I became selfish and tried to take the wheel. It never works. You would think that I would have learned my lesson a long time ago.

One and done…..

I have one week left and I’m officially an RN grad!!!! 18 months…. It’s been the nightmare I had always heard. It’s also been the quickest longest year and a half of my life. I studied my ass off. I … Continue reading

SnapChat is for child sex predators

The plot thickens…. There’s another predator that lured my child in. This one got to her. Long before I caught the first one apparently. It was her 13th birthday. My world came crashing down around me when I heard the … Continue reading

#theydidntcall

The struggle has been real. I miss my kids. 2 headed off to college and 2 are with their father this year through the school year for the first time in 20 years I only have one biological child living … Continue reading

What’s My Purpose?…..

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I have a degree that at this point is basically useless. After 17 years I am unable to obtain a job because I didn’t take one test…. I didn’t have to have any extra schooling or training. Just had to … Continue reading

A wasted life…

I had so much potential; growing up I aspired to be a lawyer my mom always said I could fight the paint off the walls and win. I found my passion as a Jr. in high school to become a Christian Psychologist (yes people there is a difference although both are extremely beneficial and needed).

I dug through thousands of schools for the perfect program all to be told by my parents they couldn’t afford to send me there. I have 2 sisters one was in grad school and the other was graduating high school.

I rushed to just get in anywhere to get out of my hometown. I hated it and dropped out first semester. I worked and got a townhouse with another coworker. Then I got married…. what else is a college dropout gonna do at that point besides find Mr. Wrong after all the missteps and rough issues- yep- make them worse.

If you have read any of my blogs you know that obviously that marriage failed along with a second. Then 2 more horrible relationships until I find what seemed like Mr. Perfect.

Yes ladies in so many ways he is the ultimate man. However, he’s still a man. He may do laundry and dishes and yes even cook…. but he comes with a whole other set of issues like insecurities and he has the needy me syndrome. It’s exhausting at times. Many many times.

He claims to not believe in God. Yet he throws up my beliefs and faith? Why does he care he doesn’t believe there is a God. That my God is made up out of weakness. Science is the answer.

I question every day what I did wrong. I have questioned that for nearly 25 years of my life. Why me? What did I do? How do I make it better? Why am I still alive?

Had I not gotten one of the 3 kids I’m sure I would have ended my life. God knew that. So there is a plan. Would be nice for him to let me in.

I have always said God allows the Devil to play with the strongest of strong to prove our faith runs deeper than the pain he inflicts.

Here I am again trashing another life given to me…. when will it stop?

Another day…….

In the past few years I have documented points in my life that have been so very difficult to get through while struggling with depression and anxiety. Today is no different. New trials and tribulations are always waiting around every … Continue reading

Reality….   but you can’t be real……

Reality…. but you can’t be real……

I went to the doctor this past week. They of course take you in and do the ever dreaded vitals where you get to see if your still fat and showing how old you are with your crappy high BP. … Continue reading

I SUCK

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So I haven’t written in forever…. Life has been a tornado to say the least! I met a guy (on and online dating app). My last effort at finding someone I can tolerate for even a month. So I had … Continue reading