Another Day In Hell

I feel I only get around to blissing when things are horrible. I find it to be my outlet though. I slept 3 hours in 29 hours so I could see my kids. Well, the kids went to their dads … Continue reading

I Broke…

It took one t’last thing to tip the scales…. I broke… I took my meds and tried to sleep thru it. Only worked for so long. I had to get out of the house.

I went out to grab a drink. Had 2 then I remember nothing at all. The meds I had taken were out of my system by then. I was so scared the next day.

It can happen to anyone. I got up to run outside for one minute. That’s all it took. It scares me to go out at all at this point.

It was my day to start healing. Time to become who I want to be. God protected me. I owe everything to him. I lost sight of my purpose. I became selfish and tried to take the wheel. It never works. You would think that I would have learned my lesson a long time ago.

Another day…….

In the past few years I have documented points in my life that have been so very difficult to get through while struggling with depression and anxiety. Today is no different. New trials and tribulations are always waiting around every … Continue reading

You Say

You say you love her more than anything. She is your everything. The most amazing girl in the world… your soulmate? Bullsh$t!!!! You have taken every secret, every vulnerability she trusted you with and exposed it all. You take it … Continue reading

So What’s Really Wrong?

So enough of the similes! What’s really wrong? I laugh and tell you my whole life. No one word… MEN! I am so sick of a man ruining my daily life. I married at 19 that was a joke. He beat on me the first night we said “I do”. Threw me through a door, my head through a towel rack into a tile wall then into the bathtub. Totally embarrassed I stayed and had 2 kids. I felt so trapped. I had made this huge commitment not only to this total piece of shit but to God. I stayed until I felt death was eminent and then I left. I still suffer to this day.

I fought so hard for the safety of my kids. Years later the divorce was final and I had my babies out of harms way. I stayed single for the most part only dating here and there but I never trusted a soul. Then I finally met the next ” the one”.

That was a joke from hell. He was great for a few years. Until we were going to get married. We did which was a huge mistake. He ended up mentally abusive which I took for years because it was still better than the physical or so I thought then. He then started on my kids. Funny story was he was cheating his ass off on me. I was so dumb and blind I didn’t see it. Just had 3 more kids to a total piece of shit that awesome!!!!

Fast forward from that disastrous divorce here I am 2 more crappy relationships later. Thank God on the highest I wasn’t dumb enough to marry them.

I haven’t got rid of the second problem yet. I hate him though he makes me feel horrible. He tells me all of my downfalls and what a horrible person I am. “Bipolar Cunt Bitch Piece of Shit Lazy Piece of Shit Nothing” You would think duahhhhhhh get rid of him. Lmfao yeah right he moved in my house over a year ago without us even discussing it and he basically refuses to leave. With the kids it’s just easier to throw the covers over my head and have migraines. Fuck life. Fuck living. That’s for others to do. I’ll just stay in bed being the lazy ass bipolar piece of shit that I am. I’m stuck again. Stuck with another asshole who wants to use money as leverage and all that he does. Like I didn’t carry him forever. FUCK IT ALL!

EPIC MOM FAILS….. AND SCORES

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Yeah we all know what it’s like to feel like you’re NOT “Mother of the Year” right? Have you ever felt like you couldn’t even be nominated “Mother of the Minuet”? Yeah me too! So much is posted all over … Continue reading

Yeah I’m Lower On the Social Ladder Than You…..  Funny You Think You’re Better! 

  
Let us get one thing straight right now!!! “Girl….  I quit my job to take care of my grandfather!  I went from a $30/hr job to nothing to give my grandfather showers, clean feces, pick his nose ear and stray eyebrow hairs for him, along with picking him up off the ground when he fell.”

I have 5 kids. I choose to spend my time at the fields and tracks not out at bars and social gathering people throw. I don’t have money to take fancy vacations and post pictures all over social media so everyone can gush all over them in envy. 

When I go shopping it’s for my kids 99.9% of the time. When I shop for me it’s on the clearance rack and it better be under $10. My tennis shoes…  Yeah they are my oldest sons XC shoes from his 6th grade year (4years ago to the date almost).  They are the most comfortable tennis shoes I have ever had plus I paid a fortune for them might as well get the wear out of them.  

That’s right ladies I own 1 pair of tennis shoes!!!!  That were handed down to me from my son 4 years ago….. GASP!!!!!

So what!  I don’t look like a slob in public. In fact I get compliments frequently although it’s nice I don’t really care. My kids are what matters to me not who’s talking to me or what they think of me. 

You have all your fancy stuff in your fancy house- that’s cool. You call to tell me about the money you spent on your vacation and your clothes and your kids and your husband.  You know what screw you!   Not very Christain to say but holy cow……  You don’t stop and think for 2 seconds do you????  

I didn’t get here on my own. I didn’t produce 5 kids on purpose  or quit my job to sponge off the state and federal government. My struggles are real. I have worried how I’m going to get milk, gas, bread, and toilet paper!!!!  Some weeks have been better than others but not many.  

HAVE YOU EVER STOPPED FOR 1MINUET TO THINK ABOUT THAT?????

You are my family. You are my friend. You are my neighbor. You are an aquantance.  Do you ever look past yourself???  

I am broke but holy moly I have soooo much. I am soooo blessed to have what I do. So when I can I help others even if it’s just with a couple dollars or a food basket.  When I was working well I helped so many. Even you…. I gave you thousands of dollars before you married money.  Funny how you forget or just don’t care now. 

So yeah don’t invite me I’m not on the high snotty social wrung like you. I wouldn’t have came anyway. I’m not going to sit around and pretend my life is great and happy like you.   That’s the irony. You pretend your happy for your social status and the social status of your family. You’re not happy I’ve listened to your nightly drunk fests bitching about your husband, your kids, your life.  I sit and listen in silence you usually have to ask me if I’m still there. Lol  you’re a spoiled brat and ungreatful and your miserable because you’re so neglectful of what you have. It’s sickening.  I have sheer discust for the way you treat what has been given to you by God.  You go to church and yet this is how you deal with God himself. 

It’s hysterical you think you’re better. You can treat me and my children the way you do. Not horrible but just less than you…..  Never the way you would treat your hot shot friends and family that’s for sure. 

It’s alright though…..   Go live that life. I am not a part of it and I am backing away from what I was intertwined in. It was harmful to me for so many years.  It has taken me back to a very bad place and I won’t stay here sorry.  Best of luck to you and yours….

Those of you reading this know it’s all true. You need to reevaluate where things are in your life. There are too many selfish and ungreatful people out there. You need to also think about what you will say and do to your audience before you put it on stage. Sometimes things have a lasting effect. Those effects are not always positive……: