Another Day In Hell

I feel I only get around to blissing when things are horrible. I find it to be my outlet though. I slept 3 hours in 29 hours so I could see my kids. Well, the kids went to their dads … Continue reading

To the 2nd man that tried to rape my daughter

My daughter was a happy, carefree, beautiful and loving 12 year old little girl. You found her on Snapchat. You hid behind lies and deceit. You taught her things a 12 year old should never know. You asked for disgusting and compromising pictures and videos of her over and over despite her telling you no. Things such as masturbating with her hairbrush and the list could go on for miles. You convinced her that you loved her and cared for her more than anyone in the world.

You sent her disgustingly horrible videos and pictures and when she wouldn’t comply with your wishes you would tell her about your other girlfriends. Your mind games were endless. She believed you were a teen. She believed everything that you said. Why would she believe any different? She was naive and innocent to your cruel and evil intentions.

When I discovered your communication I immediately started doing background work on you. You were easy to find even with your lies. I had a face to face discussion with you on a Snapchat call where you also tried to lie to me. You begged me to not go to the police and swore yes you had lied about your age you were not 15 but you were only 17. I told you right then and there I was going to the police regardless. I already knew your lies.

With your perverse and sinister nature you didn’t care. Within days you were again reaching out to talk to her. This time offering her and her friend money to have sex with you. You traveled to take my daughter from her home and video sexual acts with her and her friend within a week of my conversation with you. They had literally just turned 13 and you not only wanted to take them from their homes and give them money for videoing sex with them you traveled around 5 hours to do so.

You have no conscience. You didn’t care about their well-being mentally or physically. You knew the dangers and your perverse mentality was reckless without any concern for my daughters life.

She has been in therapy for over a year now. She was on suicide watch for months. She went from a happy innocent girl to a child that began to hate herself. I could see something had changed but couldn’t find the issue for a couple of months due to Snapchat’s setup. Once I found you though it was days, weeks and months of dealing with local, state and federal law enforcement. My 13 year old daughter, your victim, lost so many newly sought after teenage freedoms because we were scared to death to let her out of our sight. She was not allowed to go to friend’s houses for sleepovers and she wasn’t even allowed to talk or texts friends for the past year unless she sat beside of us for fear another evil man was after her. Her grades bottomed out and she switched schools 3 times. I couldn’t go back to work and my own panic attacks set in. I struggled to stay in nursing school and graduate. My youngest daughter struggled so much with what has happened to her sister she too now has severe anxiety and depression. She is also in therapy and starting to now have panic attacks. She trusts no one. It has affected our family as a whole.

You are a man who took advantage of my child and preyed on her innocence and did so with malice. The simple fact that you completely disregarded that I was going to the police and continued to send messages and videos and ask for them in return over and over and then tried to pick her up and give her money for sex knowing her age at 12 and 13 clearly shows that there is no place for you in society. You will continue to be a danger to young girls everywhere at all times with freedom.

I ask the court on behalf of my daughter and my family to please punish him to the fullest extent allowable. We ask for this to save other young girls and their families from this destruction. Children deserve to have protection. They deserve to have an innocence and for it to not be taken by a sick and twisted perverse adult that knows better. An adult that doesn’t care about the law or the harm they cause to young children. An adult that is willing to travel for hours to satisfy his sick desires. He has proven to be one of those people.

BULLSHIT GAMES

After what I believed to be one of our better weekends, everything this morning went to hell and quick. Yes we had problems but we worked through them quickly. Until this morning when I was woke by a text telling me what a piece of crap wife I was, how I didn’t want the marriage and how he was leaving.

So I burst into tears because he’s back to the same old crap and I don’t understand why I can’t even one day of rest. I had just bought him a large amount of clothes so I bagged them up and the them in the trunk to take them back. I’m not dressing a man for the next woman point blank.

He came home started in on me over the clothes. I was anticipating that one. Not that it was the nicest thing to do but why should I continue to do and do for a man that treats me like hell.

So he retaliated tonight by canceling your car insurance. Instead of being mad I just got on the phone and purchased my own insurance. And then I got a set of tools and a butter knife and I took my license plate off the pathfinder that was to my old pathfinder. I hid that bitch where he will never find it.

I’m not one for games but aim sick and tired of playing into them. I have been used and mentally fucked with enough. I am calling to look at a place tomorrow and plan to write a check on the spot if they will take me.

I think that regardless of the outcome we need to separate. This is not healthy. I have a life to live and children to raise and I feel it is time to move on.

I can fix crazy. I have taken the blame for so long tried to fix me and yes I have made a billion mistakes but the psycho and the drama I am done with. Today was because I didn’t come to bed due to the fact that his snoring sounds like a freight train and I rest better sleeping downstairs. Plus I found a Viagra in his pants pockets something he has hid he’s even taking (and I have been gone for a week). Plus all the liquor and wine bottles hidden in the house…. we have a trash can?

Tomorrow I start to pack and quickly. I will try to get out as quickly as possible. I love this man but it’s just a messed up situation. We have both had wrongs and made lots and lots of mistakes. But It’s just time to separate. It’s time to find some peace. It’s time to do this for me and my children. No more bullshit games.

WINNING… NOW PUTTING THE PIECES BACK TOGETHER

I scheduled my NCLEX May 3rd. I couldn’t handle the stress and anxiety anymore and pushed the board exam up to last Friday. Was I ready? I felt I was ready any now as I would have been in another … Continue reading

SnapChat is for child sex predators

The plot thickens…. There’s another predator that lured my child in. This one got to her. Long before I caught the first one apparently. It was her 13th birthday. My world came crashing down around me when I heard the … Continue reading

#theydidntcall

The struggle has been real. I miss my kids. 2 headed off to college and 2 are with their father this year through the school year for the first time in 20 years I only have one biological child living … Continue reading

What’s My Purpose?…..

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I have a degree that at this point is basically useless. After 17 years I am unable to obtain a job because I didn’t take one test…. I didn’t have to have any extra schooling or training. Just had to … Continue reading

A wasted life…

I had so much potential; growing up I aspired to be a lawyer my mom always said I could fight the paint off the walls and win. I found my passion as a Jr. in high school to become a Christian Psychologist (yes people there is a difference although both are extremely beneficial and needed).

I dug through thousands of schools for the perfect program all to be told by my parents they couldn’t afford to send me there. I have 2 sisters one was in grad school and the other was graduating high school.

I rushed to just get in anywhere to get out of my hometown. I hated it and dropped out first semester. I worked and got a townhouse with another coworker. Then I got married…. what else is a college dropout gonna do at that point besides find Mr. Wrong after all the missteps and rough issues- yep- make them worse.

If you have read any of my blogs you know that obviously that marriage failed along with a second. Then 2 more horrible relationships until I find what seemed like Mr. Perfect.

Yes ladies in so many ways he is the ultimate man. However, he’s still a man. He may do laundry and dishes and yes even cook…. but he comes with a whole other set of issues like insecurities and he has the needy me syndrome. It’s exhausting at times. Many many times.

He claims to not believe in God. Yet he throws up my beliefs and faith? Why does he care he doesn’t believe there is a God. That my God is made up out of weakness. Science is the answer.

I question every day what I did wrong. I have questioned that for nearly 25 years of my life. Why me? What did I do? How do I make it better? Why am I still alive?

Had I not gotten one of the 3 kids I’m sure I would have ended my life. God knew that. So there is a plan. Would be nice for him to let me in.

I have always said God allows the Devil to play with the strongest of strong to prove our faith runs deeper than the pain he inflicts.

Here I am again trashing another life given to me…. when will it stop?

Reality….   but you can’t be real……

Reality…. but you can’t be real……

I went to the doctor this past week. They of course take you in and do the ever dreaded vitals where you get to see if your still fat and showing how old you are with your crappy high BP. … Continue reading

I SUCK

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So I haven’t written in forever…. Life has been a tornado to say the least! I met a guy (on and online dating app). My last effort at finding someone I can tolerate for even a month. So I had … Continue reading